KANAB, UT—After surviving nearly two years alone on a Lake Powell beach, Solo the horse has been rescued and is now living her best life at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. There’s just one problem.
“I won Survivor: Horse Island. Where’s my million dollars?” Solo neighed, stomping one hoof for emphasis.
Despite the fact that Survivor: Horse Island was not an actual TV show but rather an unfortunate real-life ordeal, Solo insists she rightfully outlasted, outplayed, and outlived her competitors and deserves the grand prize.
“I love my new digs. The food? Fantastic. The company? Top-notch. But I didn’t spend two years eating sand and staring at boats just for a pat on the mane,” Solo said. “At minimum, I should get a cool trophy. Maybe a lifetime supply of carrots.”
From Desperate to Deluxe
Before her rescue, Solo survived thanks to a local family who made monthly boat trips to deliver hay. “It was a kind gesture, sure,” Solo admitted, “but honestly, I was hoping one of those boats was carrying Jeff Probst and a novelty check.”
Now at Best Friends, Solo enjoys daily meals, soft bedding, and plenty of horse pals. “It’s a serious upgrade,” she said. “I was prepared to build a shelter out of tumbleweeds and existential dread, but turns out, other people will just take care of you. Wild.”
Still Holding Out Hope
Despite her new pampered lifestyle, Solo remains hopeful her winnings will arrive any day now.
“Look, I’m not unreasonable,” she said, flicking her tail. “If Jeff Probst doesn’t want to do the whole big ceremony, just Venmo me. Or at least send me a sash that says Sole Survivor—see what I did there?”
Until then, Solo is settling into her new home, where she plans to “reluctantly retire” and “definitely not try to vote any other horses off the property.”
