KANAB, UT—The Kanab City Council spun into action this week, tackling everything from heartfelt farewells to a potential new roundabout at the notorious 89A and Kanab Creek intersection. After Mayor Johnson and City Manager Kyler Ludwig paid touching tributes to the late Jeff Turner for his tireless dedication—poolside heroics included—the council shifted gears to the hot topic: turning traffic chaos into a roundabout utopia.
Taking a “Roundabout” Way to Safety
City Manager Ludwig presented findings from not one, not two, but three traffic studies. The results? A roundabout could reduce accidents at the intersection by a whopping 76%, proving it’s not just a spinny nuisance but also a lifesaver. “It’s a cost-effective way to keep our roads safer,” Ludwig said, while Mayor Johnson mulled over concerns about kids crossing the roundabout. “I question it too,” Johnson admitted, “but we need something there. And no one wants to slow this process down—we’ve already been circling this issue long enough.”
The council ultimately voted unanimously to support the plan, officially endorsing what some are calling “Kanab’s most ambitious roundabout since…well, ever.”
Chipseal’s Greatest Hits and Other Sticky Subjects
In other riveting road news, the council approved extending the city’s chipseal project to ensure all roads are freshly coated in seven-year intervals. “It’s like giving the streets a facial,” Ludwig explained. Meanwhile, funding approvals for flood management and airport upgrades breezed through like a plane fueled by a 95%-covered federal grant.
The Arts Board Paints a Vision
Before wrapping up, the city arts board pitched a bold idea for a new arts facility, promising to explore all avenues—and maybe a cul-de-sac or two. “It’s early days,” officials said, “but we’re ready to sculpt a plan.”
Plans were scrapped for for additional options for the roundabout that were proposed by the Kanab Arts Board members that included:
- The “Spaghettification Zone”: This is where cars mysteriously stretch and elongate as they enter the roundabout, only to return to normal size upon exiting.
- The “Gravity-Defying Curve”: This banked turn defies all laws of physics, allowing cars to drive upside down for a thrilling experience.
- The “Time Warp Tunnel”: Drivers who enter this section of the roundabout may experience sudden time jumps, finding themselves in the past or future.
- The “Rainbow Road”: The roundabout’s surface is actually a psychedelic, color-changing material that can induce hallucinations and euphoria.
- The “Black Hole of Traffic”: Cars that enter this section of the roundabout disappear into a void, never to be seen again.
Mayor Johnson had to tell the arts board members to layoff the micro-dosing before brainstorming sessions until Utah Department of Transportation has updated their use of them, otherwise surely none will be approved…although he commended the creativity. “We need you to keep your liberal minds sharp, so thank you for trying!”
As the meeting came full circle, the council reviewed ordinance changes, and adjourned with a gavel drop that was more satisfying than a freshly chipsealed road. While the roundabout plan is still in its infancy, it’s clear Kanab is ready to stop spinning its wheels and pave the way for progress. Forget stoplights—Kanab’s going full circle, because why go straight when you can just keep turning?
