KANAB, UT — After breaking into a locked government building at night, Hurricane Fire Chief Joe Decker has been fully cleared of criminal trespassing charges thanks to a heartfelt apology letter, a charitable donation, and the most emotionally devastating phrase in small-town court: “I was just trying to help a dying friend.”
The building, which local authorities revealed was at the Kanab Airport and not, as previously rumored, a Krispy Kreme storage facility, was reportedly accessed using security credentials Decker “just happened to still remember” from his previous stint as city manager. “We thought we changed the locks on the doors,” said one city official. “But we forgot to change the locks in his heart.”
Access Denied, But Not Forgotten
Security footage showed Decker entering the airport office at 10 p.m., a time widely recognized as either “suspicious” or “classic small-town government after-hours networking.” Authorities noticed strange computer activity shortly afterward, including several failed attempts to log into something called “KanabCitySecrets_2020.xls.”
When asked why he broke in, Decker claimed he was trying to help a former colleague “get his affairs in order.” Many in town assume this refers to personal documents. Others suspect it meant deleting a folder labeled “DefinitelyNotCitySecrets” and running a full wipe of the C drive, just in case.
Decker then tried to re-enter the building two days later, this time reportedly using nothing but pure vibes and a half-remembered passcode, which unfortunately had already been changed to “NoJoe2024!”
Apology Accepted, Crime Deleted
Following the break-in, Decker wrote a letter so earnest it actually made a county judge tear up and call his own father. In it, Decker expressed that he didn’t mean to disrespect anyone and simply didn’t realize “sneaking into a locked municipal facility and trying to access a government computer” was frowned upon.
He accompanied his apology with a donation to the Kane County Children’s Justice Center, which has now become the unofficial forgiveness currency of southern Utah. “We used to use service hours,” said one prosecutor. “Now we just go with a well-written apology and a modest check. Much more efficient.”
The Real Crime Was Caring Too Much
Local residents are divided. Some are outraged that Decker got off without so much as a slap on the wrist. Others say that breaking into city property after hours is just “what you do when you’re trying to help a buddy and the Wi-Fi at your house is down.”
Decker will face no further legal consequences, except the small matter of explaining to his grandkids why he has a security clearance photo labeled “revoked with affection.”
Asked what he learned from the ordeal, Decker said, “Mainly that it’s easier to get into a government building than it is to cancel a Dish Network subscription.” When pressed for final thoughts, Decker shrugged and said, “Look, it’s Kanab. Half the people here have a key to something they probably shouldn’t.”
