KANAB, UT — Joe Decker, the Hurricane Valley Fire Chief and former city manager of Kanab, was arrested late last week after allegedly breaching a locked city building and attempting to access an employee’s computer. Authorities remain unclear on his exact motives, but local speculation is running wild, with many wondering if he was searching for the fabled Lost Map to Zion, which supposedly contains a secret shortcut to the national park that no one dares to speak of.
“He’s been obsessed with that map for years,” said one Kanab resident, who preferred to remain anonymous due to their own secret Lost Map aspirations. “Decker probably figured if he broke into city hall, he could finally crack the code to Zion. I heard the map’s hidden somewhere in the Unofficial Town Budget, right next to a recipe for funeral potatoes.”
Decker, who served as Kanab’s fire chief for 15 years and also doubled as the city manager, allegedly retained a building code from his time at the city’s helm. This code—now apparently more coveted than the lost Zion route—allowed him to unlock the doors of a city building in the dead of night on October 24, 2024. The city’s “small government” policy meant that changing the codes is on a long list for the one man building department…who expects to get it updated sometime in 2034.
“It’s just like a fire drill,” Decker maybe said when questioned, according to a report from a source who may or may not have been present. “Sometimes you have to break into locked buildings. You know, just to check if things are safe. But really, I was hoping to find the Mormon Miracle Recipes folder. Those funeral potatoes are legendary, and I’ve been trying to crack the code for years.”
Despite the lack of clarity surrounding his motives, local gossip suggests Decker’s search was likely aimed at uncovering “Kanab’s Most Famous Sinners,” an unofficial list of past city and county officials known for making questionable decisions involving Pioneer Days celebrations and, more ominously, missing funds. “If you want to dig up the dirt in this town, you don’t go to the police records—you go to the genealogy database,” said one town elder. “Decker’s probably trying to find out who really stole that extra $500 from the Pioneer Days kitty in 2021.”
Meanwhile, sources from the Kane County Sheriff’s Office have reported that Decker might have been searching for something even more specific: the Hidden City Building Floor Plans. “You never know when a special entrance might come in handy,” said one conspiratorial city employee. “And let’s face it—when you’ve been in charge as long as Decker, you basically have tenure. I’m sure he thought it was fine.”
Though Decker’s motives remain unclear, one thing is certain: his break-in has sparked a renewed interest in the town’s most notorious fables. Local firemen, long known for their tight-lipped secrecy about the so-called “unspoken fire drills,” are now starting to suspect that Decker was also hunting for the “Fire Chief’s Guide to Accidental Access,” a rumored manual on how to bypass locked doors without raising suspicion.
“If it exists, that guide could change everything,” one fire chief, who declined to be identified, said with a grin. “I’ve tried to get a copy for years, but every time I ask, they tell me it’s been ‘misplaced’.”
Decker was reportedly not able to access the computer’s contents and is scheduled to appear in court on March 4 to face charges of unlawful entry. While the charges are serious, some locals believe Decker’s true punishment should involve making amends by hosting a town-wide funeral potato cook-off. After all, as one resident pointed out, “At least that way, everyone will know where the budget went.”
