KANAB, UT—In a groundbreaking move to revolutionize mental health care, the local youth rehabilitation facility RCR has announced its innovative new therapy program: “Solitary Confinement with a Side of Dr. Phil.” This cutting-edge approach combines the warm embrace of self-help books with the cold, punitive reality of being ignored by everyone around you.
The announcement comes after a group of former residents held a protest to highlight their “unique and enriching” experiences at RCR. The protestors, wearing vibrant yellow and orange clothing that reportedly helps with both visibility and suppressing individuality, shared glowing reviews of their time at the facility. “It’s like summer camp,” one protestor said, “except the only activities are cooking, cleaning, and pulling weeds.”
Mental Health Care That’s Definitely Professional
According to testimonials, the facility provides a mental health care program that goes far beyond conventional therapy. Forget licensed professionals—RCR offers a more accessible form of treatment: episodes of Dr. Phil and a curated library of self-help books. When reached for comment, one former resident quipped, “Why go to a trained therapist when you can have Dr. Phil yelling at you through a TV screen? It’s like he’s in the room… but not really listening.”
Some protestors suggested that denial of therapy was used as a punishment. “It’s brilliant, really,” one former resident said. “Nothing makes you crave self-improvement more than being told you don’t deserve it.”
Cutting-Edge Discipline Techniques
The facility also unveiled what they described as “next-gen consequence systems.” Residents who dared to break rules faced an impressive lineup of deterrents, including solo isolation, loss of shoes, or, for those feeling particularly rebellious, a three-hour stint in handcuffs. “It’s like escape room training,” one protestor joked, “except there’s no prize for getting out.”
Other punishments included wearing light clothing in freezing conditions and being told they were “broken” as part of an intense affirmation exercise. “It really builds character,” a protestor added. “They said the entire town and our families would turn against us if we didn’t comply. Nothing motivates personal growth like community-wide rejection.”
Inspiring Testimonials
Protestors shared heartwarming quotes from their time at RCR, including gems like:
• “We were constantly told we were broken, so we acted broken.”
• “They told us we were bad people, and if we didn’t listen, everyone would hate us!”
• “If your kids are here, they need communication, they need a hug—just not from the staff.”
Despite their glowing reviews, these accounts remain unconfirmed as the facility’s management could not be reached for comment. Sources close to the administration say they were too busy watching Dr. Phil reruns to respond.
The Future of Rehabilitation?
While some critics have raised concerns about RCR’s alleged lack of accreditation for therapy or education, supporters argue that the facility’s methods are unconventional but effective. “Sure, we’re not licensed, but who needs paperwork when you have Dr. Phil and a rigid dress code?” one anonymous staff member allegedly remarked.
RCR is expected to roll out even more groundbreaking techniques in the coming months, including “Punishment Yoga” and “Mindfulness Through Manual Labor.” Parents interested in sending their children are encouraged to start Googling “actual therapists” immediately.
